Frustration-Why Can't I Just Be Knocked Up Like A Normal Person?

So we have been trying for our second for three cycles now.  Same regimen that worked with Frank. Prenatals, baby aspirin (even though I'm negative for clotting disorders and my homocysteine levels were normal despite a MTHFR mutation), Prometrium because I have a borderline luteal phase defect (my endometrial biopsy suggested I was at a day in my cycle that was three days from where I actually was. Two days off is considered normal.), and 4mgs of Folate for MTHFR mutation. So this means I have to make sure I start the Prometrium a couple of days after I ovulate. They are suppositories and make a mess. I have to test before I stop them to make sure I am not pregnant and then if the test is negative I have to stop the suppositories so I can start my cycle.

Last time, I filled  my Prometrium prescription, the price went up significantly. So I had to call the insurance company.  Prometrium is no longer a preferred drug because there are other alternAtives on the market now. After finding this out, I had to play phone tag with my doctor to determine if he could write a prescription for a cheaper form of the progesterone.  So he prescribed me Provera (which is going to cost me ten times less than the Prometrium)which I take cycle day 16-28. But Provera cannot be used during pregnancy so I have to switch back to the Prometrium if I get a BFP. The doctor is hoping the Prometrium will be covered better by insurance if I take it when actually pregnant because there is no alternative drug as a preventative for miscarriage.  Get all that?

18 months

Height: 32 2/8

Weight:26.12

Teeth:all except one incisor and the two year molars

Likes:avocados, M&Ms,milk,asparagus and most other vegetables,chasing the cats, cookies, Kix, Cheerios,building, dancing, Little People farm, Weebles tree house,Mickey Mouse, Clubhouse,visits from family,books, eating crayons,feeding the cats, hugs and kisses

Dislikes:bedtime, most meats, tart fruits, coloring with crayons,waiting, riding in the car

Words: Mama,Dada, Paisley, Patrick, eat,out,please, socks, All done., I did it., What's this?, banana, apple, Grandma, Granddad, cat, It hurts.,hello,kisses,yes,yay,wow,I want it.,Bella,hot, Nana

Merry Christmas

If You Go To Get Frank Dressed...

If you go get Frank dressed, you'll notice his dresser drawer is loose.
So you will pull it out to tighten it.
When you pull it out to tighten it, you will notice a bunch of dust underneath.
So you will get the broom and sweep his room.
On the way to put the broom away, you notice pine needles in the living room and crumbs in the kitchen.
So you sweep those, too.
While sweeping you notice the baseboards need dusting.
So you Swiffer those and all the other furniture.
After all that work, you are hungry.
So you grab a cereal bar.
This makes you thirsty.
So you get a cup of water and sit to drink it.
(Frank is still in his diaper.)

Happy Halloween

Playing Outside

These are from my phone. I don't know how to turn them upright.

A Long over Due Birth Story

Frank's due date was July 2, 2011. Well at my 39 week appointment the kid hadn't even dropped yet. Also, I was not even dilated. Not even a little bit.

So we scheduled an appointment with the OB for the 5th to check amniotic fluid and progress. When I went in they put me on the monitor and I was having some contractions, none I could feel,but I could see them on the machine. After the ultra sound I was informed my fluid was low so we would be headed to to the hospital after the appointment. I would be induced. At this point I really did not care. I wanted Frank out. I just always felt after he reached full term, that he was safer out than in.

We ran a few errands before we went to the hospital. I went to Target for some granny panties because I had heard they are a good thing to have on hand after childbirth. I also bought a book, a night gown, and a salted pretzel because I knew it might be a long time before I ate again.

I got to the hospital at around 10:30. I was given my first dose of misoprostal while I was still in the triage area. Eventually, I was moved to a labor and delivery room, sometime around 12 in the afternoon. Time frames get fuzzy after that.

I got another dose of misoprostal around 2pm because when they checked me I was barely dilated. I was having fairly manageable contractions at this point. I did fall asleep only to wake up because I got in controllable shakes. The nurse said that was normal. At some point they started giving me magnesium sulfate because I had severe preeclampsia.

I remember the resident coming to check me at some point and telling me I was only 1.5 cm dilated. She explained to me that if I didn't show progress soon I would get a balloon catheter, my water broken,and Pitocin. I asked when I could get an epidural and they said at four centimeters.This is where things got interesting.

I fell asleep after the resident left, but not before I checked the clock and it registered that I had been in that room for almost 15 hours. I remember thinking half asleep, "They are gonna do all that stuff to me and then I get me epidural." It wasn't that I was in pain. It was just I was so sick of that room. Well, I woke up from that sleep in a blind panic. Joe said I looked like a caged animal. I made him call for the nurse and asked to be able to walk the hall. She told me that I couldn't because I was being induced. I flipped out and took the monitors off of me and threatened to rip out my IV. I was claustrophobic and could not even verbalized what I needed at that point. I think they gave me an Ambien to calm be down and help me sleep.

The doctor came in a few hours later and I still was not very dilated. So they gave me the balloon catheter. Then sometime after that my water was broken and the Pitocin was started. I got my epidural at three centimeters because of my freak out.

The epidural worked for a while. Although I started feeling some pressure. The nurse said it meant I was progressing. After awhile, the epidural wore off on my right side but the contractions were still manageable. Well, for me anyway. My sister was in the room during one and ran out crying.

Progressing my foot! Almost thirty hours later, I was only four and a half centimeters dilated and Frank hadn't even descended. the doctor said enough was enough and said it would be best if I got a c-section. And I swear I heard a choir of angels sing at that point. I was so relieved that I wouldn't have to sit in that room and having all these things done only to make very little progress.

They had to find some scrubs for Joe. The coverall thing they gave him was only a medium. Joe is 6'4. Frank was born at 6:16 pm.

Frank's Birthday and Birthday Party

Lucky boy, he smashed two cakes.  One on his actual day of birth, the other at his party. His party theme was traffic. I got all the printables for his party here.  It was so hot, we decided to have the party in the basement instead of outside.

Birthday candle. It goes up to 21 years. You burn it each year.  Joe and his brothers each had one.

Before

After

Table centerpieces

Filled with candy

              

Posterboard of all his monthly pictures

Loved the cake, but oops "yield" is spelled incorrectly

If I Tweeted

Three women announced pregnancies on FB. At 8wks,6wks,and 5wks. #sillyfertiles

So Excited

I hadn't bought a bag besides my Skip Hop Studio since I found out I was pregnant with Frank. What was the point since the Studio is big enough to carry both my and Frank's stuff. But a few weeks ago I fell in love with a bag I saw in Aldo. However,with two upcoming vacations,it was out of my budget. Two days ago the price tag went down ten bucks. Even better, when I went to check out it was half off. Aldo had to mail it to me because they didn't have the color I wanted. Today, it was waiting for me on my doorstep.

Because I'm Still Recovering From My Vacations

And he is so darn cute. Also,although he still prefers to crawl,he is walking across rooms now.

Been on Vacation

Frank's birth story, a year late; first birthday pics; and a my Liebster award answers and nominees coming soon.

I'm Alive

We have been busy around here. Joe is finishing up his Masters and teaching summer school. I have been planning Frank's first birthday party. We have gone camping with Joe's family. And Joe and I had our first night alone. We went to the Brad Paisley concert and my mom took Frank overnight. Frank. Has taken his first steps. His favorite thing to do is walk back and forth from me to the couch. He picked up the word leaf while camping. He puts up his finger when you ask how old he is. He grabs his feet when you ask where they are.

Quote of the Day

"Statistically there was always a chance that this would happen. The fact that it did happen doesn't change anything. World doesn't suck anymore today than it did yesterday."-Dr. House

Don't Ignore Recurrent Pregnancy Loss as a Form of Infertility

Too often,women who suffer from recurrent miscarriage are sidelined in the discussion about infertility. The idea is (and often ignorantly stated) that at least we can get pregnant. Except for women who suffer multiple losses,getting a positive pregnancy test is a moot point.

I experienced the same stab to the heart every time I heard yet another woman had gotten pregnant, as women who were having difficulty getting pregnant. I planned nurseries for "one day." I wistfully looked at babies clothes. I thought "if only" when some one complained about the discomforts of being pregnant. I cringed a little when invited to baby showers.

I changed my diet. I looked up studies about the causes and treatments of RPL. I got pricked with needles. I had doctor appointments with specialists. I had an endometrial biopsy and a hysterosalpingogram. I paid out of pocket for a lot of it.

I thought about my other options. I researched the financial costs of adoption and IVF. I thought about how many IVFs I would do before I said enough. I thought about how I would feel if an adoption did not go through because after the baby was born the birth mother decided to parent. I thought about how if we did adopt I would grieve not being able to carry my child in my womb and having to make peace with that.

It took a year and a half for me to have a healthy pregnancy. I had four miscarriages. But the worries are still there. Infertility doesn't go away because I have a child. As my husband and I talk about trying for our second, a lot of the same worries still plague me. Will I miscarry again? How many miscarriages? Will whatever caused my miscarriages now manifest by not letting me get pregnant? I still have that same feeling of being late in the game since so many of my friends and family my age have their second.

For some it's the inability to get pregnant. For me, it was the inability to stay pregnant. For all of us, its infertility.

The Nursery

The bedding is Dwell Studio for Target Rockets. The night stand is from my college bedroom. Joe repainted it to match the bedding. 

My mom's friend used the bumper to make valances, so the material did not go to waste.

Joe and I are huge Star Wars fans. Found these on Etsy.