Too often,women who suffer from recurrent miscarriage are sidelined in the discussion about infertility. The idea is (and often ignorantly stated) that at least we can get pregnant. Except for women who suffer multiple losses,getting a positive pregnancy test is a moot point.
I experienced the same stab to the heart every time I heard yet another woman had gotten pregnant, as women who were having difficulty getting pregnant. I planned nurseries for "one day." I wistfully looked at babies clothes. I thought "if only" when some one complained about the discomforts of being pregnant. I cringed a little when invited to baby showers.
I changed my diet. I looked up studies about the causes and treatments of RPL. I got pricked with needles. I had doctor appointments with specialists. I had an endometrial biopsy and a hysterosalpingogram. I paid out of pocket for a lot of it.
I thought about my other options. I researched the financial costs of adoption and IVF. I thought about how many IVFs I would do before I said enough. I thought about how I would feel if an adoption did not go through because after the baby was born the birth mother decided to parent. I thought about how if we did adopt I would grieve not being able to carry my child in my womb and having to make peace with that.
It took a year and a half for me to have a healthy pregnancy. I had four miscarriages. But the worries are still there. Infertility doesn't go away because I have a child. As my husband and I talk about trying for our second, a lot of the same worries still plague me. Will I miscarry again? How many miscarriages? Will whatever caused my miscarriages now manifest by not letting me get pregnant? I still have that same feeling of being late in the game since so many of my friends and family my age have their second.
For some it's the inability to get pregnant. For me, it was the inability to stay pregnant. For all of us, its infertility.
I experienced the same stab to the heart every time I heard yet another woman had gotten pregnant, as women who were having difficulty getting pregnant. I planned nurseries for "one day." I wistfully looked at babies clothes. I thought "if only" when some one complained about the discomforts of being pregnant. I cringed a little when invited to baby showers.
I changed my diet. I looked up studies about the causes and treatments of RPL. I got pricked with needles. I had doctor appointments with specialists. I had an endometrial biopsy and a hysterosalpingogram. I paid out of pocket for a lot of it.
I thought about my other options. I researched the financial costs of adoption and IVF. I thought about how many IVFs I would do before I said enough. I thought about how I would feel if an adoption did not go through because after the baby was born the birth mother decided to parent. I thought about how if we did adopt I would grieve not being able to carry my child in my womb and having to make peace with that.
It took a year and a half for me to have a healthy pregnancy. I had four miscarriages. But the worries are still there. Infertility doesn't go away because I have a child. As my husband and I talk about trying for our second, a lot of the same worries still plague me. Will I miscarry again? How many miscarriages? Will whatever caused my miscarriages now manifest by not letting me get pregnant? I still have that same feeling of being late in the game since so many of my friends and family my age have their second.
For some it's the inability to get pregnant. For me, it was the inability to stay pregnant. For all of us, its infertility.
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