Where's God?

Bruce Nolan: God is a mean kid sitting on an anthill with a magnifying glass, and I'm the ant. He could fix my life in five minutes if He wanted to, but He'd rather burn off my feelers and watch me squirm.- from Bruce Almighty

I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much. ~Mother Teresa

If you believe in God, and you suffer from infertility and or/ pregnancy loss, you pray alot. You pray first that the test comes up positive. You then pray that there is no blood on the toilet paper. Then you pray there is a heart beat. Then when those prayers don't get answered or at least not in the way you wanted them too, you pray for the strength to just get through it all. And then, when what seems to be the millionth woman you know gets pregnant and has no issues, you may wonder "Is anybody listening?" Where is He???

As, much as I hate to be in what has been referred to as a "silent sorority", I have found an amazing amount of support amongst other women who have suffered from infertility and or/loss. Support that years ago probably didn't exist. THERE HE IS.

My new doctor is wonderful. I feel as though he is as invested in this as I am. He spends as much time as necessary with me and my husband. THERE HE IS.

I have a history of depression. Yet, I have somehow in the midst of all the hormonal changes, stress,and grief avoided falling into a major bout and avoided having to go back on medication. THERE HE IS.

My husband and I both have jobs in this economy. Jobs that allow us to pay medical bills, a little more than minimums on debt, and put a little into savings every month (even if it sometimes gets taken back out.)THERE HE IS.

We both have amazingly supportive families. THERE HE IS.

After my last loss, I received cards from two of my close friends and numerous phone calls from others that helped me feel not so lonely in what can be a very lonely time. THERE HE IS.

I have two cats that are my fur babies. They bring us great joy. I truly believe pets are gifts from God. THERE HE IS.

There is food on the table and a roof over our heads. THERE HE IS.

We are now thinking about adoption. This is something we may never have considered if not for our troubles. THERE HE IS.

I have had four positive pregnancy tests this year. (We watched some crazy Discovery Channel show about the conditions that sperm have to go through to actually meet the egg. Its a miracle any sperm makes it.) THERE HE IS.

I have seen two of my babies heartbeats on ultrasound.THERE HE IS.


And He is in every healthy baby born to my family and friends. Knowing what I know now, these babies, whether born after difficulties or not, are truly miracles.