Since Mother's Day, I've started three posts and have not finished any of them. I am having a really down week. Mother's Day Eve I had one too many martinis and wound up with my head in the toilet crying over my babies between dry heaves. The bills have all come in for the D and C, so the money has all gone out of savings. Oh and today is the anniversary of my first miscarriage.
On a good note, karyotyping came back normal. The doctor wants to do an endometrial biopsy to check for a luteal phase defect. He thinks if I have one, I was not on enough Prometrium this last pregnancy or I lost this baby due to one of those random chromosomal abnormalities that happen. Or its just "bad luck", really, really bad luck. If my endometrial biopsy comes back normal, I am still looking into DQ alpha matching and the like. I want to make sure all my bases are covered before we start trying again. Although God knows if we can really afford a baby. I mean that: Only God knows because I have no idea right now how we would do it.
I'm sorry you're having a tough time. Those bad days come in waves for me, out of nowhere pretty much. You aren't alone.
ReplyDeleteHang in there and good luck with your testing. Keep us posted.
(((HUGS)))
Yay for karyotype testing coming back normal. I had a feeling they would. I hope it is something as simple as LPD.
ReplyDeleteDo you belong to any online support groups?
ReplyDeleteKellyAnne, I have been on the bump board for miscarriage and then ttcal. The last time I posted there was on the pregnant after loss board to tell people what happened. I am having a bit of "mommy guilt?" as I have not set the memorial ticker for Rocky yet.
ReplyDeleteI used to belong to some but have since left. I keep in contact with a few ladies that I met about 2 yrs ago on babycenter. Aww don't have any Mommy guilt, it truly isn't your fault that this keeps happening. TRUST ME, YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE A TAKE HOME BABY...and as horrible as it may sound, you have been given a gift in the midst of these losses. God has given you the sight to see your future children for the amazing gifts they truly are. You will gaze in amazement at EVERY single thing they do. You will LOVE morning sickness and stretchmarks and vaginal pressure, if you ever need a c-sec you will LOVE your scar. You will take pleasure out of sleepless nights, and while other mother's pray their babies would sleep through the night, you will be thanking God for this child who is screaming and keeping you up.
ReplyDeleteThere are so many things that people take for granted, Motherhood is one of them, when the cute baby phase wears off, most mom's become irritated by incessant bantering, you will not. Your baby will ALWAYS be your MIRACLE, no matter how old he or she gets...I always say this journey is a curse and blessing. I know it is hard to see the blessing in it, now, but someday you will. I don't know how I see already without having kids yet, but I do. I just think there is a reason for this..and for that I am grateful.