Gratitude

There are times where this motherhood thing is rough. When Frank is up numerous times at night because he is teething. Nights when it seems just as I am falling to sleep I have to get out of bed again. Nights where rocking him is nearly impossible because he is twenty pounds of ready to party at 2 a.m. And
Then, there are the days where putting him in his crib so I can pee is met with a high pitched screeching that rivals my cats' when they are fighting. Days when I cannot leave his side to even make him a bottle without him crying. Days when naps don't happen so nothing else I have to get done does either. Days that consist of numerous outfit changes for the both of us due to blow outs and spit up. Days that coffee just doesn't cut it because I am physically and emotionally exhausted from not having one second to myself.

Last night, the cat kept me up for two hours scratching at the closet door. Just when the cat settled down, at midnight, Frank woke up. Then, just as my husband got our son settled down again, the cat started scratching at the door again. Son of a B. Frank started to cry again. I was rocking him and cursing the cat in my head. I was struggling to keep my frustration in check because it was almost one in the morning and rocking and a bottle and singing wasn't getting this kid back to sleep. But then, I remembered what I was wearing to bed, my 2010 Walk for Rememberance and Hope t-shirt. The one with the names of my other children. Squirt, Chicken Little, Snowflake, and Rocky. The babies that wouldn't keep me awake in the middle of the night; the babies that I never got to spend hours rocking to sleep. And the frustration and exhaustion faded; and all I could be was so damn grateful for my child that lived.

Church And The Super Bowl

This is what I wore to church today. The shoes are a lot cuter close up and the striped in the shirt are actually blue.  I didn't want to buy an expensive striped shirt so I got this one on sale at Forever21. The skirt is from Forever21 from Freshman year of college. It buttoned but there is a Be Band underneath to disguise the muffin top.  I finally found my mustard yellow sweater at Target.  I have been looking for one the past few fall seasons and always missed the boat or it was never quite the yellow I was thinking of.

  And this is what Frank wore to church today. It was a gift from Joe's great aunt.  I was saving it for Easter but the kid grows so fast it wouldn't have fit him.

When we cam e back from church we changed into our Superbowl outfits.  I kept the shirt and the earrings and just put on some jeans and a pair of Mossimo denim flats with zipper detail I got on clearance from Target. frank put on a football themed shirt that is red, white and blue. We are rooting for the Giants, as I am a native New Yorker, although I have not lived there for some time.

And He Has Teethe

Frank has been drooling up a storm since he was about three months old. Also, he would go after my fingers, making monster sounds as he did .  So we were eagerly  wistfully awaiting for those little chompers to break through.  I was singing all holiday season "All I Want for Christmas is Frank's Two Front Teethe."
The last three weeks have been hell. My baby with the good disposition and excellent sleeping habits turned unrecognizable.  A constant whining was the soundtrack of my days, not crying but a moaning that would only be stopped by occasional Tasmanian Devil like outbursts.
The nights were no better. Joe and I split up the nights into shifts as we did in Frank's newborn days.  Orajel  (the natural kind before anybody gets their panties in a twist) was applied. Tylenol was dispensed. Teethers were thrown on the floor (by Frank.)  Wine was poured (for me.) Even when my poor baby slept, he moaned from the pain in his sleep. So I was up and down trying to comfort him before he would wake himself up completely because if he did there was a good chance he would not go back down for hours.  And what I learned from all this is, unlike adults, babies can be up all night and still want to play all day.
Finally, yesterday both his bottom front teethe had broken through. He looks so cute. And I am relieved. Although, I don't know why, he still has eighteen more to go.

The Last Four Months in Pictures- Part 2 (September and October)

The Last Four Months in Pictures- Part 1 (July and August)

We closed on our first home less than three weeks after Frank was born.(Kitchen)

 (Garage) We moved in two weeks later.

He's Here

Well he has been here for over a week now.   Frank Salvatore was born on July 6, 2011.  He weighed 8lbs 14 ounces. He was 21.5 inches long and had a head circumference of 36.5 centimeters. Birth story will follow when things chill out a little bit more around here.

Thoughts

Now that Frankie is full term, Joe and I are anxiously awaiting his arrival in a way only those that are part of the loss community can understand. There is this feeling still of waiting for the other shoe to drop and also a sense of this baby being safer out than in.

We also get asked alot if he is our first.  We talked about this the other night. We both,unless it is a medical professional or someone who we know has suffered losses, always answer "yes."  It is just easier that way. But we both agreed that part of us always feels like a liar. Maybe when he is born it will not be that way because he will indeed be our "first" born.